


dirt under your fingernails

by slow_soda_sips (nap_princess)



Category: Trinkets (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Gen, dead dove do not eat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/slow_soda_sips
Summary: Moe hates clichés– Moe-centric





	dirt under your fingernails

** dirt under your fingernails **

* * *

Moe hates clichés.

She never wanted to be a cliché.

But, secretly deep down to her toes, she knows that is, in fact, a cliché. How could she not be? She ticked a bunch of the boxes to be one – having an absent father, wearing blank clothes, a nose ring, pot-head friends, _being in love with a boy_. And now she's going to anonymous meetings, consumed molly and has a triangle tattooed on her wrist.

Moe mostly blames it all on her daddy issues; despite what her mom had said, "Not everything is black and white."

When Moe was little, she thought her dad was just  _sick_. She means, well, he had to be – he was  _unable to love_ , after all. Her dad had a wife and kids who loved him so much and yet he would stare at them with _this empty look_ in his eyes.

Those eyes didn't lit up when her mom made his favourite meal for dinner or when her brother told him about his day or when Moe wrapped her short arms around his legs and gave him a drawing she poured her young heart into; **I LOVE UOY SO MCUH, DADDY**  – it had said, misspelt and glittery and sticker-covered.

Moe blamed it all on her dad’s _inability to express love_.

Then her dad got a dog. A jack terrier. And that’s when things turned around.

She saw _it_ – the love, the enthusiasm her father showed when he was around the small dog; baby voices and cuddles and long hours spent together on walks. That's when it clicked, that it wasn't that her dad couldn't love another, it was just – her dad didn't love  _her_. Her dad didn't love her mom or her brother.

Her dad didn’t love his family nor his job nor his life. So he packed up, took the dog and left. It was _understandable_ , it was _expected_. He was _unhappy._

But every fibre in Moe's being wanted him _to stay_ as  _selfish_  as it sounded. She wanted to open his eyes and make him see their family was  _perfect_  and that he  _should_  feel lucky to have them. 

For a while, she figured he would  _come back_ , beg on his knees and say he took his family for granted.

(But he never did)

And after that, after several years rolled by, Moe figured,  _Fuck, maybe I'm just unloveable?_

And she never told anyone, that is, except Noah – once – when they were naked and under sheets and he said something that sounded like it could have been an I-love-you confession.

Not that she would take it, she knew she'd reject the idea of them being a couple because of who she is. Not that she hasn't tried to be open-minded. Because, she's trying.

(Or, rather, she’s tried)

She tried _being better_ , she tried not to judge, she tried reading up on feminism, sexism and racism and other-isms, but it never worked. Doesn't work. In the end, it's always a front, a wall, she knew that much about herself. Despite everything, she didn't think she was  _that bad_. 

That is, until Elodie – awkward, quiet, shy Elodie –  _snaps_. 

And she's yelling – yelling _yelling_ **yelling** at an empty parking lot that reminds Moe of the party and Brady's stolen car.

"What's wrong with you, Moe?! The first thing you ever said to me was to kill myself! You wrote me a letter saying 'DIE', you didn't even know me back then! I was new, you knew that! You knew I had no real friends, you knew I was lonely but you wanted to knock me down anyway! Do you know how fucked up that is, Moe?! Your mom is a nurse! She saves lives  _everyday_  and here you are casually telling people you don't know – total strangers – to kill themselves! If I told her, she’d think you're a horrible daughter! You say you're that sort of person because your dad left you but you forget to factor what your mom's sacrificed for you! She did her best, she's done so much for you, I know being a single-mom is a tough job, raising children by herself isn’t easy, I mean –  _shit_ , my mom did the same for me, I know I shouldn't be one to talk, I'm fucked up too, I steal because it makes me feel good, but  _damn it_ , Moe, you're just as fucked up as us! As much as you don't want to admit it, you are!"

And when Elodie had said all she wanted to say, face red and hands combing back her short hair in frustration, Moe felt like crying (another cliché she never wanted to tick – she always thought crying girls were weak).

"I'm sorry." Moe says, she tries looking to Tabitha, but Tabitha looks elsewhere, not wanting to get involved.

" _Sorry_? 'Sorry' won't cut it." Elodie hisses.

"Well, what do you want me to say, Elodie? I'm apologising!"

"I don’t care! There's nothing to say! You’ve done an awful thing, just accept that!”

"I – I –" Moe's voice cracks. "Tabitha? Tabs, please –? Please!  _Please!_ "

Tabitha's gaze is still far away. Her hair hides her face, making it difficult for Moe to read her childhood friend’s expression.

“ _Tabby!_ ”

"You only have yourself to blame, Moe."

* * *

**end**

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I'm in the middle of episode 8, don't spoil anything for me! I’m looking forward to Moe making up with the girls, I want to see how things turn around. I want to see her fix everything. Don’t take this fic the wrong way, I love angst above everything else.  
> – 17 June 2019


End file.
